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[25 May 2004|09:39pm] |
sometimes when i feel the cold fingers digging in under my collarbones i wonder if its all in my head.
& sometimes when i hear the footsteps stop outside my bedroom door i wish i wasnt myself. always, actually. footsteps are like deathwishes.
and to wake up to find nothing as you left it and a rip in your tshirt is to wake up scared out of your fucking mind.
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[14 May 2004|09:19am] |
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its that kind of mess that makes you pull at yr hair and randomly wake up at ungodly hours of the morning. but im not quite as scared & not quite as scared & i really need to talk to you for a long long time. & thanks to a certain band from victoria & a certain album from 1996, && woman like a man, i am resovled, dissolved & peaceful. & i will buy a magnet for our fridge for our house. !!
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[13 Mar 2004|09:27pm] |
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
thanks.
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[04 Mar 2004|10:10pm] |
- there is still this one ... who makes me drown over and over and again. & its like brickwalls everytime.
- i was equal for a second, and it was gratifying but my redemption was short-lived.
- i eat too much i smoke too much i swear too much i think too much i spend too much time awake. & we still don't talk enough.
- kat, where are you hiding? where do you go? are you okay?
( do you remember that crazy battle game with the monsters we played that time? whats that site called?)
- starbucks coffee is terrible
- curly curly leapfrog
- .
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[05 Feb 2004|09:44pm] |
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you make me so fucking angry.
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[04 Feb 2004|08:47pm] |
1. the end of the free phone has come.
2. school is in session, get your chin off your desk.
3. my dad keeps making lame lesbian jokes.
4. sex & a sandwich?
5. i forgot how much i miss you. goodnight:)
6. too many words for too many songs and not enough string assault.
7. hare krishna hare dharma.
8. stones stones. i need moremore stones.
9. my right shoelace keeps coming undone.
10. brooke you should call me. 8.59 is a really good time for calling.
11. i found ganesh down the side of my bed. i knew he'd come back.
12. punctuation like punches. brickwalls and everything that slaps.
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[01 Feb 2004|09:59pm] |
so last night,,,
was just spent staring at what i want to be.
parading infront of me.
last night was just a metaphor of sorts.
i am continually reminded and one day i will let it get to me.
chronically bruised and inspired.
but if i were to box it i would call it compromise.
last night was wrapped in compromise.
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[18 Jan 2004|05:52pm] |
to ganesh,,
thankyou for all the beautiful people & posessions i have been bestowed with, & thankyou for my karma that balances immeadiatley instead of a week later, & thankyou for my music & for my art, but in the future i would prefer if there was no calling of my mother in regard to underage drinking by the police.
kind regards,
kiya.
ps, the drain in the carpark was a great idea.
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[15 Jan 2004|10:30pm] |
-i got my lip periced and now all i taste is metal & mouthwash
-my arm hurts from enthusiastic air hockey games
-i fucked you over & im sorry.
-mz difranco is on the radio in 29 minutes
-i emptied the contents of my wardrobe onto the floor for no partiular reason other then to put them back again
-i am living something for kate.
-you & i like bankrobbers. we take what is not ours. couldn't think of something real to do. caught off gaurd, doomed from the start
-i miss my fucking dreadlocks.
-ive really fucked things up, havent i?
-damien rice, volcanoes
-babybabybottle
-scar turned out okay, only okay
-almost looking forward to going to school so i can quit it. so i can be a beauty school drop out.
-ivory is different from bone
-fuckmeimafuckup&iamtrulysorryaboutallthis.
we leave a trail of leads,
leading us back leading us back
banKrobbeRs. couldn't think of something real to do.
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[04 Jan 2004|01:29pm] |
my dream;;
snake
car
helicopter
bus
highway
fatman
bicycle
carpark
dark,
bedding store
sandwich bar
books
yellow dirt
hanniel
why wouldn't they fucking help me?
hiding under steel beds
running,
lounge rooms filled with water
courtyard
waterwaterwater
loungeroom
amazing grace
toolshed.
ohdear. the first one i remember in months & i cant figure out what it means, every meaning contridicts another.
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[01 Jan 2004|01:15pm] |
--fires in bins and in skies, but we used bottles and loud music as fireworks, cuz we saved all that money and all the dressing up.
--too many ciggerettes and too many bare feet, but not enough dizzy mutters and not enough loudcrazydrunkencrashing.
--fuckers with slurred beerbottles sliding onto to curbs, & who really likes parties anyway?
--seperate beds and little sighs in yr sleep.
--i need to learn to sleep on my own, ( i miss you, like echoing caves and empty cliffs,. its all space you see, thats all we are. degrees of distance in this current cupped interpretation, )
--i remembered the day you personified water, & the way you would turn your head,. but i hate to remember. i would love to forget~
--sandsandsandwaterfuckingfreezing,butokayonceyougetusedtoit. like alot of things are okay once you get used to them.
--it was like we made the effort, but the point had been hollowed out. it should have been explosive, but instead we just sorta forgot, i think.
--& i swear to god it wasn't even newyearseve. cuz im still here. ?
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| to you; |
[26 Dec 2003|10:44pm] |
you lie down like a landslide
& i watch you detatch
streaming down your mountainside,
&i know you're not coming back.
cuz when you found isolation
you took the concept to heart,
& now you're this little natural disaster
spinning round,waiting to start.
&i think its time to go home now,
i think its time we went home.
& when i said i wanted your company
i meant i know you like i know fake french
volunteer a second personality to
talk yourself out of this ditch again.
& if you want to wreck every cliff face
i'll be right behind you all the way,
but baby im not going to stand and watch
while you throw your sanity away
baby i think its time to go home now,
i think its time we went home.
let me take you home now,
its time to go home.
&yknow my centre of gravity is changing
and its moving out of here
the catbell echoing down the hall,
you left me swinging, didnt you?
you left me lying & then you cracked
you remembered your mountains &
then you didnt come back.
you remembered your mountains
&then you didnt come back.
so just let me take you home,
its time to go home.
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| tell me what you see, who are they. |
[24 Dec 2003|09:58pm] |
1. trees stand in a perfect line, trees stand at attention. not much time has passed and already she likes concrete better than grass. and i don't think we'll last. so i stare up at the sky, and it hurts my eyes. maybe i'll go blind, maybe all i'll see is sunshine.
1.8 they say goldfish have no memory, i guess thier lives are just like mine, and the little plastic castle, is a suprise every time.
2. cuz you are a party and i am a school night, & im looking for my doorkey& you are porchlight.
3. you walk through my walls, like a ghost on tv, you.penetrate.me
you make me dirty
4. make me fell like a whore, the way you want me down with the fleas on the floor
5. do you miss me, miss misery. like you say you do.?
six. i know the meaning fits, theres no release in this. i miss my beautiful freinds.
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[23 Dec 2003|05:48pm] |
-today is our family christmas.
-today is like an aching sense of dejavu compacted by nostalgia.
-today every muscle in my body is screaming.
-today was the last time i will see you for two weeks & a half.
-today i slept when my head got too heavy.
-today i wanted to get drunk, but i was too quiet.
-today the man who pulled me over yesterday & gave me that huge havent-seen-you-in-years hug didn't say hello, but as he left he slipped a piece of paper into my hand that read 'don't let them wear you down, get out of this town as soon as you can.'
-today my nose won't stop dripping down my face.
-today was fucking weird man.
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| just quick, |
[23 Dec 2003|05:41pm] |
1. my name is kate.
2. i wish it was kiya.
3. i have a number3 buzz cut.
4. my room stinks of precious chandan.
5. i brush my teeth in the shower.
6. im allergic to large amounts of flouride.
7. my favourite word is ganesh.
8. i am fifteen years and threehundred and thirteen days old.
9. i like it when i sleep through the day.
10. i like it when i know what im doing.
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[21 Dec 2003|06:31pm] |
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xox
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